Fear of loss…

I've been living with this fear for a while now, it sometimes creeps up on me at unexpected moment. It brought me to tears many times, I kept having to stop myself from thinking such horrific thoughts. The thought of losing someone you love... Noah has been with me since he was a tiny chubby baby. We went through a lot of things together, ups and downs, all those late nights struggling to stay awake for my projects while I was in school, a break up, moving from apartments to apartments, meeting new friends, being homeless as we were waiting to close on our house, settling down in our home, having a baby kitty sister. He's been with me through all those times, without judgement. He's just there, loving me, being there for me unconditionally. As he gets older, I live with this fear that one day he will leave me. I can't bear the thought of it, just the thought would get me to burst out crying uncontrollably. I kept making him promise to stay with me forever, but I know that's not realistic. I am doing everything I could to spoil him every minute of the day, somehow I still feel it's not enough. Time… it all comes down to time. Precious time should not be wasted.